Handling relationships with non-empathic people when you don’t have someone in your daily life to process with.

So, you’ve lived your whole life feeling like you’re off, like you’re different, like something’s wrong with you. You meet people, you become friends, hang out, talk, then they stop wanting to hang out with you. Why? Because you’re different. You have a propensity for matters of the heart which most people equate to drama. Most people seem to think that talking about things one feels deeply about is too dramatic, too much energy for them to process.

Being an empath is kind of like being the opposite of most people. I find that when most people want to wind down at the end of the day, they want to do something that is on the surface like play a game, watch a movie, shoot the breeze, etc. For me what I want is to talk, specifically, I want to talk to process. I want to go through the Rolodex of my experiences that day, week, month or year and look for thought processes that aren’t serving me well. I want to know what I can be doing differently. Why is it that I think or feel the way I do about something? What is behind that though or feeling? Is that thought serving me well and is it something I need to capitalize on or is it dragging me down into an abyss that would be difficult to recover from? How can I live a more easy going life and what change would it take in my thinking to get there?

If you’re an empath and you live alone or with people you’re not close to, you spend a lot of time trying to process things on your own, but you know you could be off. Then when you see friends and family you want to process, but they’ve been with family all week and have been processing things as they’ve come up so when they get to weekend hangout time, they just want to be on the surface. It feels like rejection, but it isn’t. You have to get creative about how to process what you need to process so that when you’re around people who just want to hangout, you can do that without overwhelming them or getting overwhelmed by them. What I recommend is to find other empathic people who feel similarly and approach them about meeting up somewhat regularly to talk it up. That way you have a group of people who are showing up for the same reason and expectations are set, then when your friends just want to hangout you are able to do that because you have your processing outlet.

This Ted Talk is a perfect resource for the situation above.

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